Self Doubt As An Artist

26.8.16


Can I really call myself an artist? It's a scary thing to say. I haven’t made art seriously ever in my life. Since studying art, I have had times of abundance in the art-making realm, but it hasn't been consistent. I struggle to even call myself an artist. I am and have been an art teacher now for 4 years, but am I really an artist? 

Growing up I created paintings, collages, art journals, but I never thought I was any good. Talent wasn’t really evident in my hands. I couldn’t draw realistically. I wasn’t one of those girls that could draw horses impeccably. It wasn't until my second year of uni that I learned to draw.

There is just so much self doubt as an artist. Is my work good enough? Will anyone want to buy it? What do I want to create? I will never be as good as the masters. It’s crippling at times to even think about it. When I was teaching I used a lot of my creativity for lessons and helping students develop ideas. I excused my lack of art making on that. At times teaching insipired me to create, but most of the time it left me a bit dry. I have such artist guilt about creating so seldom, and somehow that is the reason I believe I’m not really an artist. An art professor from my undergrad said that only a few of us would continue to make art in our lives and those that did, were the true artists. I hoped I would keep creating, but convinced myself that I wasn’t a real artist. I mean I had only been making art consistently for 2 years by then.

When I did learn to draw and realised I could be an artist, it was such an exciting time! It felt so right. I could learn to make anything with practice and patience. I was so happy to have the skills and to know I could grow in the skills to be an artist. It really made sense. I had created visual things my whole life. I did love to create. I was moved to create, it made so much sense that I was, deep down an artist. 

I suppose the self-doubt will not ever completely go away, but I hope that it will visit less frequently. 

I AM AN ARTIST! 



Thanks for reading.

Anna


Van Interior

23.8.16

Last sunday we returned from our 5 week van journey.  I wanted to shoot and share a few photos before we unpacked and moved out of our van. The space really became our home over the past 5 weeks. I honestly can't wait until we can get back on the road.

From left to right you can see the kitchen, bathroom (toilet), and living room. There is a board behind the backseats that comes out and has a leg, it slides into the rut above the toilet to make a table for working and eating (as seen in this photo). The table can also attach to the floor of the van and stand on the ground, outside of the van, on nice days as in this photo on instagram.


Back in the Studio

19.8.16

One wonderful thing about not being on the road is having a studio again. Knowing I have a space for art and a space I can leave things out is such a privilege. It was tough to make art in the van with Dominik always around. He's not judgmental or critical at all, but I need alone time to get making. Being alone in the studio gives me artistic mind-space and space-space to create. 

I haven't officially announced it on the blog yet but I'm preggy, 20 weeks now. I'm beginning to feel better and starting to feel a bit like myself again. I think that may be why I haven't made much work since being pregnant, I haven't felt like myself. The beginning of pregnancy is f*&king terrible. Anyways, back to why it's great to be in the studio...


5 Tough Things About Vanlife

12.8.16


Living in a van just looks incredible, like a dream. It is, but it naturally has some challenges. I thought it's only fair if I share a few things that have not been the easiest since being on the road. 


6 Things We Love About Vanlife

6.8.16

We’ve been on the road now for 4 weeks. Dominik and I moved into our Ford Transit for the summer, this is our last summer with just the two of us. We’re expecting a Little Baer in January 2017. 

We're on a Van Adventure!

1.8.16



In March we bought a crummy van. We've been renovating its interior and getting it all fixed up in the motor for our big summer, Scandinavian adventure.  Our hope was to be on the road for 5 weeks. We bought her for cheap and knew the engine needed some work. We didn't expect for her to be in the shop for 2 months, several thousands of Euro repair, unsure if she would ever run well enough to travel up to Norway in.