Self Doubt As An Artist

26.8.16


Can I really call myself an artist? It's a scary thing to say. I haven’t made art seriously ever in my life. Since studying art, I have had times of abundance in the art-making realm, but it hasn't been consistent. I struggle to even call myself an artist. I am and have been an art teacher now for 4 years, but am I really an artist? 

Growing up I created paintings, collages, art journals, but I never thought I was any good. Talent wasn’t really evident in my hands. I couldn’t draw realistically. I wasn’t one of those girls that could draw horses impeccably. It wasn't until my second year of uni that I learned to draw.

There is just so much self doubt as an artist. Is my work good enough? Will anyone want to buy it? What do I want to create? I will never be as good as the masters. It’s crippling at times to even think about it. When I was teaching I used a lot of my creativity for lessons and helping students develop ideas. I excused my lack of art making on that. At times teaching insipired me to create, but most of the time it left me a bit dry. I have such artist guilt about creating so seldom, and somehow that is the reason I believe I’m not really an artist. An art professor from my undergrad said that only a few of us would continue to make art in our lives and those that did, were the true artists. I hoped I would keep creating, but convinced myself that I wasn’t a real artist. I mean I had only been making art consistently for 2 years by then.

When I did learn to draw and realised I could be an artist, it was such an exciting time! It felt so right. I could learn to make anything with practice and patience. I was so happy to have the skills and to know I could grow in the skills to be an artist. It really made sense. I had created visual things my whole life. I did love to create. I was moved to create, it made so much sense that I was, deep down an artist. 

I suppose the self-doubt will not ever completely go away, but I hope that it will visit less frequently. 

I AM AN ARTIST! 



Thanks for reading.

Anna


2 comments

  1. Oh man, I remember that same lecture from my writing professors in college. I think they really need to stop doing it because it adds so much pressure to something that is already mystifying and hard. Good on you for finally saying it! You're an artist!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melanie,

      Thank you for your comment. Seriously, it's so intimidating to hear things like that when you're just starting out.

      Thanks again.

      Anna

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